HEART TO HEART WITH AYNRAN (part 2) – Promise of Forever

                Two years ago, I got to interview a dear friend Aynran who shared us an inspiring love story.  Just this Valentine, I was able to reach her and ask her how she was doing.  

brevcHacHi:  Aynraaaaaaaan!  How are you?  It’s Valentine’s Day so I remembered you.  Last time we chatted, you really gave us something to ponder on. 

Aynran:  Thanks!  I thought you have forgotten me. Hehe!  You never shared me your story.  :D

brevcHacHi:  Haha! Mine is a tough one...I’ll share it when I’m ready.  But you did make me realize a lot of things.  It is so true that when you find someone to love, the love for God should still be a priority otherwise everything else will be in chaos.  While in choosing God first, everything will be put in order...and also includes finding your one true love.

Aynran:  That is so right!  Not just your one true love but your destiny...your soul mate!  However, the process is not always that easy especially when you are already in a relationship and then you realize that the Lord is leading you somewhere else.

brevcHacHi:  Did you have such an experience?  Seems like you have a new story to share.  ;-)

Aynran:  Alright!  Remember my first love?  Just last year, we got back together.  Long story...

brevcHacHi:  After all he has done to you...all the hurts...all these years you were trying to move on and taking time to heal...you took him back?  Why did you take that risk?

Aynran:  It was a hard decision.  Of course I was hesitant, however, as I told you before, I was able to forgive him and we became friends again.  I thought I had moved on...but realized eventually that I never stopped loving him wholeheartedly.  I decided to keep it a secret until he said he also loved me despite the years we were separated.  Indeed we tried having other relationships but there was always a connection between us.  To cut it short, he confessed his love; asked for forgiveness; expressed his regrets...and promised me forever.  After all these years, we realized we were soul mates.  No matter how much we try to avoid it, we magnet each other.  We had the same direction in life and shared the same dream so it was hard not to be together.  However our reunion was for me a dream come true.  I was finally reunited with my one true love.  I waited a long time for that.  Yes, it was the prize for taking the risk of loving him again...risked everything...

brevcHacHi:  Wow!  That’s happy ever after!

Aynran:  I thought so too...but then the unexpected happened.  Deja vu! What happened in the past...the wounds that I tried to heal all these years...that chapter that I wanted to forget...I had to face all of those again.  This time though, it is 5x the pain...or more!  I messed up I guess.  I lost focus.  My desperation led me to sin and greater fears.  However, unconditional love also calls for understanding.  I had to deal with every insecurity and tried my best to still show love no matter what.  You may call it martyrdom but I remembered St. Paul’s words, “Conquer evil with good.”    My only hope is God’s mercy.  I surrendered everything to God and resolved to always see the blessings of each day just so I could survive my depression.  I had to discern whether to let go as the relationship was getting toxic or to hang-on with the hope and belief that he was still God’s gift to me.  Finally, I thought, love is not merely feelings.  It is a commitment.   When I decided to give unconditional love, I knew I had to accept its consequences along with its joys and sufferings.  God has always been faithful and so will I.  

brevcHacHi:  *sigh*  I’m so sorry to hear that.

Aynran:  Oh don’t be.  God has His ways.  He showed me I had a lot of friends who loved me.  They supported every choice I made.  They gave me strength.  I persevered.  Many times I wanted to give up.  I did everything I could.  I remained his friend.  I patiently waited for him...just like the time I secretly loved him.  Sometimes, I would try to force it...only to face rejection.  But still, I didn’t want to give up hope.  I tried as best as I could that the Promise would stay forever.  The pains I had to endure were my proof of love. 

brevcHacHi:  Just like in the movies...

Aynran:  And like in the movies, it has to have a happy ending for people to be satisfied with the story.  Yes!  I did have my happy ending.  The trials of doubt, guilt, and fear were conquered by pure and genuine love.  It was the grace of God.  Now our relationship is even stronger and we have resolved to maximize our partnership in doing God’s work.  God gave me the sign that he will come into my life and I believed in that.  And the good news is we are set to get married next month.  I know the Lord brought us back together for His purpose.  Just as I told you before, in a relationship, make sure that it will always bring you closer to God.  

brevcHacHi:  I remember...and I always will.  I wish I’ll also have a happy ending like yours.  Wow!  You keep surprising me with your stories.  They are so enlightening!  Now I know I have to pray consistently so I may be able to make the right decisions.  Thank you so much.  I just remembered, my brother and I wrote a song that is so much like your story.  I’ll dedicate it to you...

Aynran:  Great!  Let’s hear it...

Promise of Forever

By Robe and Robe

I’ve given up my all to you

Yet you turned your back away from me

I never thought I’d end up crying for you to stay

I trusted every word you said

Believed that you did love me

The heart that used to beat has lost its glee

Wish I could still hear you say...

Hold on, never let go

Coz in the end I’ll still be with you

And fulfill my promise of forever

But for now...just simply love.

Then I closed my eyes in prayer

Full of remorse to the Father

I gave back a shattered heart for Him to keep

Dear Lord, forgive me

It’s You whom I should love the most

Heal this broken child and hold me close

With so much warmth I heard Him say...

Hold on, never let go

Coz until the end I’ll be with you

And fulfill My promise of forever

But for now...just simply love.

Now that you’ve learned to love the way I do

Keep your hopes up high for soon it won’t be long...

Hold on, never let go

Coz until the end I’ll be with you

And fulfill My promise of forever

But for now...just simply love.

 I’ll hold on...never  let go

Coz in the end I’ll still be with You

To receive Your promise of forever

For now I’ll  simply love.

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Partners and Marriage

Let me share to you an email I received from a dear friend (thanks Bevs!) re:  Partners and Marriage.  I suppose she sent it as I am one of the many impatient brides who dreams of "a happy ever after"...hehe!  But praise God for this article as it will help any single person contemplating on marriage...kind of long so I won’t be writing much for this particular blog but it’s worth reading it.  PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other? The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together. The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together. After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to brief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other. Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn't become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood. There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates. So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe. Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex. So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.

 
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Opposites Attract...Compatibility is Best...Does It Really Matter?

          Today, 4^th of November, is the 32^nd wedding anniversary of my parents.  And I am so proud and blessed to say that despite the numerous trials our family had and problems they encountered as a couple, they are still together.  Our relationship as a family isn’t perfect especially that of my parents as my dad and mom are very opposite in many ways...except for the looks (they’re both good looking...just look at their children! Hehe!)  They are one of the many examples of “opposite attracts.”  However, no matter how wearisome it must have been for them accepting their differences and countless shortcomings, SEPARATION WAS NEVER AN OPTION.  Their commitment to love and incessant forgiveness made them come this far.  More so, I believe that their love for God primarily which they found in marriage bonded them even more.

          I also know of a young couple who is so compatible that they play one of the best music you can hear in this generation – ate Agat and kuya Jojo – the Brevs’ voice supervisor and Music Director respectively.  It is always a joy to visit and see them work together at their own home.  They share the same interests and have same goals.  They work as a team while enjoying the company of their only daughter and lovable retriever golden retriever.  The best, however, is their good hearts and their dedication in offering their work for the Lord.  We are inspired and learn a lot from them.

          Opposites or not, does it really matter?  What matters most  is that for those who are deciding to take the vocation of a married life should always put a big weight on a relationship that will lead them to a deeper relationship with God—together.  It is also not enough that a partner is supportive of the other’s dream.  The dream should be SHARED between the two so they have the same direction in life...making them inseparable and having a deeper emotional why in achieving it.  Furthermore, the dream should lead them again to God.  And, it is only when God is the center and Head of the family will a marriage work for a lifetime. It has to be a spiritual family first and foremost.   I like what Robert Kiyosaki mentioned in his book, Rich Brother Rich Sister:

“Family number two is our spiritual family, the family that draws us with its call, the promise of acceptance, true understanding, and happiness.  It is a community in which we know the power of unconditional love and find that which we know, in our hearts, is missing from our life.

Our spiritual family is our true home, an environment where we can live the life we are born to live and gain the perspective and ability to accept and appreciate other thoughts and points of view.  There are many paths to finding your spiritual family:  marriage, education, religion, career, friends, teachers, and even crisis and despair.

Finding your spiritual family in marriage is finding your soul mate.  There is no more powerful union than two people who find each other to share another life together.  As we all know, divorce rates are high.  While there are many and varied reasons for divorce, one is loneliness – the loneliness and emptiness of being married to a person who is not your soul mate.  There is a big difference between loving your spouse or partner and loving a soul mate.

Many people search for—but few ever find—their second family, their spiritual family.”