Heart to Heart with Aynran

During my trip, I met Aynran in Cebu...a very loving person. Allow me to share to you one of our many fruitful chats.

brevcHacHi: Hi how are you? Excited for Valentine’s Day?

Aynran: haha! I’m good, thanks! Well, Valentine’s day is not actually very special day if every day you are always loving as best as you can.

brevcHacHi: Wow! I suppose you are so much in love then. Hmm...what is your secret? You must have a very successful love life.

Aynran: Love life? Of course. As long as you have the love of God in your heart, you will always be in love. He never lets you down no matter what. Anybody can leave you anytime but He will always be there.

brevcHacHi: Got your point...but how about a romantic love life?

Aynran: Well, mine was a complicated one. I used to love somebody who inspired me a lot. He was almost the ideal person I had in mind. I thought he loved me as much as I loved him. I almost gave up everything for him. But I was wrong. It turned out that I was just a victim of his so called weakness.

brevcHacHi: ouch! Good thing you were able to keep your sanity that time. I could have broken down if I were you.

Aynran: Well, that’s what you call grace. Hehe! It was indeed hard. I learned to get angry. I got angry at the world, at myself, at him, at the girls and polygamous men. It even came to a point of blaming God for allowing that to happen to me. I was inconsolable back then.

brevcHacHi: How were you able to recover?

Aynran: It was not easy. Though it took a while, blaming God did not really stay in my heart that long. Though I wanted to die due to the pain I had undergone, I kept telling myself that God had a purpose why I had to feel that. He wanted me to learn something. And that is putting Him still number one in my life and in any relationship that I will get myself involved with. I realized that the reason why our relationship got messed up was that I was so focused with my ex-partner than on what God wanted us to do. I learned that every relationship should lead us closer to God. Otherwise, it will not work out. From realizing that, I allowed myself to feel all the pain and surrendered them all to God. I asked forgiveness and asked Him to heal me. I asked Him to fill my heart again with His love. And finally, I asked Him the grace to forgive the most beloved one I had who crushed and seemingly almost ruined my life and faith. After my surrender to God, I felt a new hope; I regained my self-respect and my dignity; I knew that I still deserved to be loved; I found out that God is my true lover. That if I would have to give my whole heart, it has to be Him. And let Him be the One to give to the partner He has set aside for me so that I could grow more in love with Him. I did not need any sign. I needed Him alone to lead me.

brevcHacHi: So can you now claim that you are healed from your wounds?

Aynran: Yes, but of course the scars will always be there. I still hurt sometimes. I still feel the guilt and the jealousy that I was not preferred. But I merely feel those feelings and offer them to God. Healing is a lifetime process. It is also a decision to move on and be happy. What is rewarding in my experience is that I learned a lot especially on how to deal with the pains in life. It is simply having God as our real partner and putting Him above any creature on earth. I learned the deeper meaning of unconditional love. It involves forgiveness and being happy for those whom we love even if they hurt us the most. The good thing about forgiveness is that you are able to accept and look at that person straight in the eye with love as if nothing bad happened between the two of you. You could even maintain a good friendship just like before.

brevcHacHi: That is so inspiring. I learned a lot. This is worth sharing to the young people. Thank you so much. I believe God allowed you to go through those so you may enlighten others too. I hope you keep on loving. Next time ulit ha.

Aynran: Next time share me your story too. May love life ka rin ba? Hehe!





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